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In Today's
Tribune Monday May 13, 2002
Our Tax
Dollars At Work
-
Submitted by Teena
Ralph's
Report ..
- Submitted by R. "Stonewall" Tuttle A Humorous Anecdote ..
- Submitted by Anonomyous
Our tax dollars at work
Submitted by Teena Aquino Most of the country has heard of the Darwin Awards given annually to the
individuals who do the most for mankind by removing themselves from the
gene pool. Now, we have the Stella Awards given to the individuals who win the most
frivolous lawsuits ever. The Stella Awards are named in honor of 81
year-old Stella Liebeck, the woman who won $2.9 million for spilling a cup of
McDonald's coffee on herself.
The following are candidates for the award:
1. January 2000:
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle, tripping over a toddler
who was running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
under- standably surprised at the verdict, considering that the misbehaving
little fellow was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998:
19 year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with
a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he
was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
3. October, 1998:
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pa., was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the
garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.
He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and
garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation.
Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case
of Pepsi he found in the garage and a large bag of dry dog food. Mr. Dickson
sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him! undue
mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of a half million dollars.
4. October 1999:
Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door
neighbor's beagle. The dog was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard at
the time. Mr. Williams was also in the fenced-in yard. The award was less
than sought because the jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr.
Williams who, at the time, was repeatedly shooting it with a pellet gun.
5. December 1997:
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber
Carson of Lancaster, Pa., $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her
coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her
boy-friend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. December 1997:
Kara Walton of Clamont, DE., successfully sued the owner of a night club when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and
knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to
sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover
charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
DO WE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH OUR JUDICIAL SYSTEM, OR WHAT???
The Judges of these cases should have their licenses revoked.
The
California
Confederate,
Ralph G.
"Stonewall" Tuttle Sr.
Here is the latest installment of a day
in a life in King, North Carolina
The Mall
The Mall in King is located in one single building
(Tobacco Barn)
They sell:
(1) Slop Jars (in door Pee Pots)
(2) old dried out corn cobs (toilet paper)
*They come in white and brown. Always Use a brown one first and then use a white one to see if you may need to use another brown one
(3) porch swing hooks
(4) Scrub boards
(3) clothes line ware
(4) Clothes pins
(5) Warsh Tub #1 (Washing Clothes) (#2 Bathing)
(6) Used Car Tires and Batteries
(7) used 1/2 pint glass bottles
(8) Fare Wood
(9) Racks
(10) used inner tubes (for floating down the river)
(11) Utter Cream
Special every day,(365 days):
(12) Hoe's ($20.00 1/2 hour)
They even have a food court:
MENU
(a) Corn Bread
(B) Chitterlings
(C) Pickled pigs feet
(d) Pickled Eggs
(E) Butter Milk
(F) Cow Pop (Milk)
(g) Hen Fruit sandwiches (Egg)/with side of grits
(h) Chicken Feet, Livers, Gizzards, Hearts, Lips, Teeth Etc.
(I) Pig Ears
(J) pig Snouts/with garvey
The Special is:
Potted Meat Sandwiches
Moon Shine (free) with your Birth Certificate and SS#
Note:
Children get a free Pig Blatter to blow up and use as a foot and/or basket ball.
I am in the land of Dixie, Away, Away, Away
Moonshine Stills
Moon Shine Stills are not what that once were:
The original one's were made of
(1) Copper Tubing coiled around in circle's
Corn was mashed and put into a metal 55 gallon barrel
(2) A fire would be started under the barrel
(3)The corn would ferment (sour)
(4)The vapor would rise upward into the tubing
and drip into another 55 gallon barrel
They would bottle it into what ever glass containters that were available to
them, usually a gallon one (Clorox)
This was considered the first run 185 proof (shot gun wiskey)($5.00 a gallon)
They would use about of the first run and add:
(1)Water (gallons,$3.00)(Didn't need shot gun)
(2)Apples (Apple Jack, pints,$1.50)
(3)Corn syrup (corn Liquor, pints,$2.00)
(4)Pears (P liquor, pints,$1.00)
(5)Peaches (Sweet liquor,1/2 pints,$1.75)
(6) Sugar (top of the line, pints,$2.50) All the above ingridents would make it less potent and better tasting.
Note: Side Effects, Hang over!
There is still a law in effect that no one can buy more that a hundred pounds of sugar at a
time, this law never seemed to work in keeping them from making their moon shine.
They usually had a still with 10 cousins helping so each could buy a 100 pounds each = 1000lb/900 pounds for moonshine and 100 pounds for their
baking needs.
Today the younger folks are trying to use truck and automobile radiators instead of coiled copper
tubing, Because it is cheaper to get a radiator out of the old car in the front yard than it is to buy copper
tubing.
Note:
Side Effects,  DEATH!
Orders your today, One day shipping available:
(1) 1st run (Shot Gun, pts. only .25 Cents
(2) Watered down ( 1/2 pts. only .25 cents)
(3) Apple Jack N/A
(4) Corn N/A
(5) Pears N/A
(6) Peaches N/A
(7) Sugar N/A
Shipping and handling
(1) Over Nite (next day) FREE!)
(2) Regular (Mail) N/A)
(3) Ups (N/A)
Please include your SSN# and Birth Certificate
(No Photo Copies)
Mail To:
Ralph G. (Stonewall) Tuttle Sr.
209 Cedardale Lane
King, N.C. 27021
Telephone # 336-983-2617
Overnite (next Day) orders are handled first (Speedy Service) If you order by telephone with in the next 2 hours i will send you a copy of the King Times News
Paper, no charge, So order yours now and Remember your Birth Certificate and SS# has to be in my hands before I can send you your order.
I will pay for next day delivery!
Ralph G. (Stone Wall) Tuttle Sr.
From the Messageboard:
Wow! Heck man! Forget the SS#, Forget Mayberry, I'm catching me the
next bus to Stokes County! As soon as Andy lets me outta of the
hoosegow, I'll be right thar! 
Otis Campbell
Aunt Bees Pies
Sorry to say Aunt Bee has gone on to the other side.
(she is not asleep but at rest) There is one person in Mayberry,N.C
(Mt Airy,N.C.) that claims to have her receipe for all her pie's.
 His name is Wally "Stinky"
Meadows. He runs a kafaye there and it is named Aunt Bee's Country kafaye.Just the other side of Mount
Pilot (Pilot Mountain, 2 miles away).
I haven't tried any of his apple pie
yet, people say it makes feel Giggley and makes you eat lots, lots of junk food afterwards.
The price of a slice of the apple pie is $9.00, He claims the high price is because the cost of Sugar is Sky high.
I might just try a slice of it today, I will have to see how much money I have left after the Sunday Church Service at the baptist church where my Brother In Law is Pastor.
Goober was in the town of Mayberry (mt.airy)just last month for the 20th annual
Mayberry Day's (wow) what a treat that was. I have eaten at snappy's lunch and they have
gggg- rrrr-
eee- aaa- tttt pork chop sandwiches!
I have also been to Floyd's barber Shop
and I have sat in the Jail Cell where Otis always went to sleep it off.
They won't let me drive the police car!
 Note:
My wife Sa-rah Jane (Petra) Tuttle has a copy of Aunt Bee's Cook Book that I sent to her and it is a first print edition and is numbered, and even has a serial #. stamped on the inside cover.
(A Factual copy, printed in china)
A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time.
He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the
local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place.
Having arrived late, the church was already packed.
The only pew left was the one on the front row. So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided
to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him
on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too.
When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down,
he sat down. When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord's Supper, he held
the cup and bread.
During the preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing. He just sat there and
tried to look just like that man in the front pew. Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. People clapped,
so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He was, and so the recruit clapped too. Then the preacher said
some words that he didn't understand and he saw the man next to him stand up. So he stood up too.
Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around
and saw that nobody else was standing so he sat down.
After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands
of those who were leaving. When the
missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said,
in English: I take it you don't speak Spanish. The missionary recruit replied: No I don't.
It's that obvious?
Well yes, said the preacher, I announced that the Acosta family had a newborn baby boy and would
the proud father please stand up.
Sunday May 12, 2002
Unfortunate
Tragedy
The Neen Tribune has been informed that Keith
Rooney's mother has passed away. Lisha has accompanied her fiancé
to New York, where Keith's parents reside. When we get in more
information we will pass it on.
No time is right for someone dear to leave us, however, it
becomes especially difficult so close to Mothers Day.
We ask that you include Mrs. Rooney and the Rooney
Family in your prayers. On a positive note, we
have been informed that our "Uncle Pini", Arnulfo
Aguirre successfully completed bypass surgery. He is recuperating
at Fresno Community Medical Center 
Uncle Pini
No Matter how difficult
it gets we must carry on...
Happy Mothers
Day
From the Tribune
In Today's
Tribune
A Mothers
Day Message -
Submitted by Mr. Mactavish McGote
An
Inspirational Story .. - Submitted by Mrs. Fields A Humorous Anecdote of
an Enterprising Elderly Lady .. - Submitted by Mr. Mactavish McGote
A
Mothers
Day Message submitted Mr Mactavish
This
is for all the mothers who froze their buns off on metal
bleachers at football games Friday night instead of watching
from cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see
me?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have
missed it for the world," and mean it.
This is for all the mothers who have
sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up
barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying,
"It's OK honey, Mommy's here."
This
is for all the mothers of Kosovo who fled in the night and can't
find their children. This is for the mothers who gave birth to
babies they'll never see. And, the mothers who took those babies
and gave them homes.
This
is for all the mothers of the victims of the Colorado shooting,
and the mothers of the murderers. For the mothers of the
survivors,
and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging
their child who just came home from school, safely.
This is for all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies
and sew Halloween costumes. And, for all the mothers who DON'T.
What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Or, is it
compassion? Is it broad hips? Or, is it the ability to nurse a
baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same
time? Or, is it heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch
your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to
school alone for the very first time? Is it the
jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2
a.m. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby? Is it the
need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you
hear news of a school shooting, a fire, a car accident, a baby
dying?
This
is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and
explained all about making babies. And, this is for all the
mothers who wanted to but just couldn't.
This is for reading "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night
for a year. And then reading it again, "Just one more
time."
This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the
grocery store and swat them in despair and stomp their feet like
a tired 2-year old
who wants ice cream before dinner.
This
is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their
shoelaces before they started school. And, for all the mothers
who opted for Velcro instead. For all the mothers who bite their
lips sometimes until they bleed when their 14 year olds dye
their hair green.
This is for all the mothers who lock themselves in the bathroom
when babies keep crying and won't stop.
This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in
their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their
purse.
This
is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their
daughters to sink a jump shot.
This is for all the mothers whose heads turn automatically when
a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though
they know their own offspring are at home.
This is for mothers whose children have gone
astray, and who can't find the words to reach them.
This is for all the mothers who sent their sons to school with
stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got
there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later
asking them to please pick them up....right away.
This
is for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep
deprivation. And mature mothers learning to let go. This is for
working mothers and stay-at-home mothers, single mothers and
married mothers, mothers with money, and mothers without.
This is for you all. So hang in there.
"Home is what catches you when you
fall - and we all fall."
Michael
Submitted
by Mrs. Fields
Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say: When someone
would ask him how he was doing, He would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there
telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in
a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood.
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.
"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. Your bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."
I reflected on what Michael said. Soon thereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.
I saw Michael about six months after the accident. when I asked him how he was, he replied. "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"
I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter," Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."
Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.
Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man. I knew I needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked.. "Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. "Yes, I replied." The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity."
Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."
Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.
Attitude, after all, is everything.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
After all, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
MOTHER
Submitted
by Mr. Mactavish McGote
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye mother!'? It would make me feel much better."
"Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk
Speaking for everyone here at the
Trib
Have a Very Happy Mothers Day!
In Today's Tribune
Friday May 10, 2002
Ralph
Writes Back - A day in a life in Stokes County, North
Carolina revealed.
Last Weeks
Articles -
Read last weeks articles in Archives Week 2
What Do You
Know About .. - A quiz on money and your body.
Here is
the latest from our
California
Confederate,
Ralph G.
"Stonewall" Tuttle Sr.
I am in the City of King, Stokes
County, North Carolina a very small town 5 Miles North West of
Winston-Salem, North Carolina and 10 Miles from the Virginia State line.
Their
crops are:
 The younger people are into growing a funny smelling tobacco and boy is it strong. I have never seen a bunch of
young people so hungry, they are eating all the time, I mean scarfing the food down! And they are laughing all the
time, what ever I say to them they burst out with laughing. I tell them that they are standing in a
cow pile (dung) and they just laugh and laugh.
I get up About 6am , I go to the only local Country kafaye : (Cafe) in town, First I get a cup of
Louisiana coffee (from brazil) and a lot of us gather around one table and we discuss the bad things that are going on around the world King not
mentioned and then a traveling preacher comes in and starts preaching to
everyone, This one morning he told us he led two people to Jesus in the last five years. (I am trying to find the Directions to his
house, Might be some of my kin Folk). I then order my Breakfast:
-
Fat Back Meat
-
Two Eggs over light
-
Grits
-
Biscuits and
Gravy (sop)
and then I have a glass of Butter Milk and leave.
After and during our meal the Preacher is still Preaching his Sermon.
He is still Preaching as I am leaving. It sure makes me feel good when
he (Preacher) directs his whole attention towards me and say's God Bless you Brother, save your Confederate Money the South will Rise again!
I am sorry I won't be able to get any of you a invitation
to King, Stokes County N.C. from the Mayor at this time and I doubt that I will ever be able to do so.
At the local Kafaye he asked me if it was true, that California had as many nuts as people say
that there are. I explained to him that California was the Cereal Bowl of
the World, California has more (Fruits), (Nuts) and (Flakes) than any where that he could visit but they were not Stupid!
I have been here for a lot longer than i have wanted to be because of legal problems of my brother Joseph Lee Tuttle
that Died. I am having a hard time getting the Stokes County Law Enforcement to move any faster on my
case, even after  I told them that I was the one that stole the Watermelon out of old man Punk Tuttle's Garden in 1955.
They laughed at me and said Boy you couldn't have been the one that stoled it. The person that stoled it was about 13 years old, 5 Foot
9, weighed about 130 pounds and had black hair and I didn't
look anything like that. I must be trying to play a Joke on
them. Ha,Ha
True Facts:
(1) Not one older person in Stokes county is skinny!
(2) Not one young person is fat!
(3) Stokes County,N.C. has the highest Self Killings
than any County in North Carolina (10 years in a row they have won this hands down)
More Later,
: Ralph G. "Stonewall" Tuttle Sr.
Great story ! Thanks for the insight. But all I want to know is if Aunt Bee still makes the best apple pie in town ?
- Mr. Fife
What Do You Know
About Money?
| 1. |
What is the most widely used coin in
circulation? |
 |
| 2. |
What is the largest bill in general
circulation today? |
|
| 3. |
What type of printing process is used to
print paper money? |
|
| 4. |
Pennies are made of |
|
| 5. |
What do the tiny letters P, D, and S
found on coins stand for? |
|
| 6. |
What is the average life span of a coin? |
|
| 7. |
What is the average life span of a $10 bill? |
|
| 8. |
The first U.S. coins were made in which
year? |
|
| 9. |
All U.S. paper money has received a new look
recently,
except for the $1 bill. Why was the dollar
left as is? |
|
How Well Do You Know
Your Body?
| 1. |
What is the largest organ in the body? |
|
| 2. |
Which of the following type of joint is not
found in the human body? |
|
| 3. |
The smallest bone in the body is located in |
|
| 4. |
Which of the following carries blood away
from the heart? |
|
| 5. |
At its normal size, the appendix is
approximately how large? |
|
| 6. |
The spleen is part of which system? |
|
| 7. |
If you stretched out the digestive tract of
an adult, approximately how long would it be? |
|
| 8. |
How many bones are in the adult human body? |
|
| 9. |
Which of the following organs are parts of
the digestive system? |
|
| 10. |
What does the thyroid gland do? |
|
| 11. |
There are three types of recognized muscles
in the human body. They are |
|
In Today's Tribune Wednesday
May 8, 2002
The
Tribune Wants to Know - A day in a life in Stokes County, North
Carolina.
Teena's
Testimonial -
Read her testimonial in today's Outreach
What The
Kids Are Saying - Kids say the darnest things!
Studio
Stormtroopers -
There is a method to their madness
You
have Pet Peeves? - Well dogs do too! - submitted by Max
Plus
Jokes and Pics of the Day
The
Neen Tribune wants to know
A day in a
life in Stokes County, North Carolina.
What
is the name of the town you are in?
Mr.
Ralph G Tuttle Sr.?
Can
you help us?
-
I guess the main
question everyone is thinking is do you have a mall? No,
we do not mean the local Piggly Wiggly!
-
Can you get us
an exclusive picture of a genuine "moonshine Still"?
-
Can you send us
pictures of the town and maybe some pictures of civil war
sites?
-
Can you get the
mayor to send us an invite to his city? Tell you what! If he
does, we will send him a genuine 2nd Annual Aquinohotline
Picnic T-shirt for his troubles.
Kids
Say The Funniest Things...
Some grade school teachers must
agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things
their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:
1. The
future of "I give" is "I take."
2. The parts of speech are lungs and air.
3. The inhabitants of Moscow are called
Mosquitoes.
4. A census taker is man who goes from house to house
increasing the population.
5. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
6. The people who followed the Lord were called the the 12 oppossums
7. The spinal
column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you
sit on the bottom.
8. We do not
raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our
silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
9. A scout obeys
all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated
authorities.
10. The climate
is hottest next to the Creator.
11. Syntax is all
the money collected at the church from sinners.
12. Iron was
discovered because someone smelt it.
13. In the middle
of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
Studio
Stormtroopers
The big business of Star Wars
queues.
By
Andrew Vontz
Posted Monday, May
6, 2002, at 8:28 AM PT
Two Star Wars fans in
Seattle have been living in a 10-foot-by-20-foot tent in the
parking lot of a Seattle theater since Jan. 1, waiting for the May
16 opening of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones.
If they make it to opening day, an entry in the Guinness Book
of World Records awaits them for the longest wait in line for
a movie. (They're chronicling their stay here.)
Fans in Los Angeles have been waiting since April 4. New York's Episode
II line opened April 28. In all, Star Wars fans have
queued up in more than 21 locations in the United States and
Europe, putatively to be among the first to buy tickets and view
the film.
 |
But being first to see the movie clearly isn't what's at stake for
these fans. After all, the average person will be able to see Episode
II on May 16 simply by calling Moviefone or showing up at the
box office. Granted, some rabid fans are doing it out of sheer
ostentatious devotion. But for others, the lines can be
sidewalk-borne mini-MBA programs for aspiring film promoters.
These people aren't the simple ass-sitters of yore. They're
conducting an intensive study in guerrilla advertising and
Internet marketing techniques. The bottom line for these fans may
very well be the bottom line.
Consider the history of Countingdown.com, the organization that
sponsored the watershed of Star Wars lines, the one outside
Mann's theater in Hollywood in 1999 for Star Wars Episode I:
The Phantom Menace. Lincoln Gasking, Phillip Nakov, and Tim
Doyle created the site after meeting on a Titanic message
board, where they cooked up the idea of a film Web site that would
cater to fan anticipation of upcoming films. After promoting Titanic
on Countingdown.com, they decided to try for a multiweek line-sit
for The Phantom Menace. Sponsoring lines in Los Angeles,
New York, and San Francisco, then, they used the Countingdown.com
Web site to promote the lines, leak Episode I-related
information, and host live Web broadcasts from the Hollywood line.
In total, the three
Countingdown.com lines garnered countless media mentions, served
up 30,000,000 streams of video to Web users, and raised a total of
$75,000 for the Starlight Children's Foundation, a children's
charity that creates play zones in hospitals for terminally ill
children. Line-sitters either donated money out of their own
pockets or found sponsors in the same way someone participating in
a charity marathon might. By hooking up with a good cause, the
line-sitters were able to garner even more media attention and
give what appeared to be an indulgent, slightly lunatic activity a
semblance of good citizenship.
We are
recruiting anyone we can get!
DOG PET PEEVES ABOUT HUMANS by Max
1. When you push me away in the middle
of a perfectly good leg humping.
2. Blaming your farts on me...not
funny.
3. Yelling at me for barking...
I'M A DOG !!
4. How you naively believe that the stupid
cat isn't all over everything
while you're gone.
(Have you noticed that your toothbrush
tastes a little like cat butt?)
5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me
check stuff out. Exactly who's
walk is this anyway?
6. Any trick that involves balancing
food on my nose...stop it.
7. Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet.
Why'd you buy carpet?
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches
of your guests. Sorry but I
haven't quite mastered that
handshake thing yet....
9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself.
Look, we both know the truth,
you're just jealous.
10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur?
sheesh.
11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
Now you know why we chew
your stuff up when you're not home.
12. When you pick up the crap piles in
the yard. Do you realize how far
behind schedule that puts me?
13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip",
then acting surprised when I
freak out every time we go back.
14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.
You fooled a dog! What a proud
moment for the top of the food chain.
15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on
screwing with us? To my
knowledge, dogdom hasn't yet
solved the VISIBLE fence problem!
Maximus Desmus Meridius
aka
Max
| Today's
JokeTodJokee ay's Joke |
A
husband stepped on one of those penny scales that
tell you
your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife,
showing her a small, white
card. "It says I'm energetic, bright,
resourceful and a great person."
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has
your weight wrong, too."
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