Dedicated
to

Esperanza
Aquino
Aug 9, 1921
Sept 24,1983

Welcome to Archives Week 2 of this Month

 

In Today's Tribune    Friday  May 3, 2002

• What is Heaven like? Read John's Article in Today's Outreach Section.
  
• Publishers Kalendar Released - From the Publisher
  
• A Ballplayers Dream - From the Editor 
  
• A Women's Study in Scotland - by Mr. MacTavish McGote

 

A Ballplayers Dream Game
- the Editor

 Last week my granddaughter Alex, while playing softball, had a day most ballplayers at any level wish they could experience. Here is what happened. In the third inning she was playing left field. With runners on 1st & 2nd and no outs, the batter hit a ball that both runners and base coaches thought was going to go over Alex's head. As both runners took-off with the pitch, Alex raced back, caught the ball, quickly turned and fired the ball to second base, the shortstop received the throw, stepped on the bag and fired to first to complete a triple play!! 

Hold on there's more....
Offensively she went 2 for three with one walk. In the bottom of the seventh (last inning) she came up to bat with a runner at second and her team down one run with 2 outs.  She promptly got a single, banging the ball into the hole between 3rd and short, scoring the tying run! 

Hold on there's still more....
She then proceeded to steal second base then third base. While on third, the pitcher wound up and fired a high pitch that tipped the catchers glove and rolled to the backstop. Alex instinctively took off for home, the ball, unfortunately for Alex, did not carom away at an angle from the catcher but dead bounced back. The catcher quickly retrieved the ball turned and fired to the pitcher covering home. The pitcher then committed one of the basic sins of a tag play...she reached for the runner! Because she reached to tag her, Alex was able slide under her glove, knocking her off her feet and scoring the winning run.

Man whatta day!

 

 

  Research Study 
  by Mactavish McGote

A study in Scotland showed that the kind of "male face" a woman finds  attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.  For instance, if she is  ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features, and if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved into his temple...

 

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In Today's Tribune

• Spell Checker Poem
  
• A woman's encounter (warning- a bit risqué)
  
• Photo of the day ( no not from Pilip)
  

 

Spell Checker Poem

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

-Sauce unknown

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance. He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire.

With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided his hands through this tender, often hidden territory, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need. Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and
for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!"

Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she
met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman
would want more. She would want to do it again and again and
again............


DON'T YA JUST LOVE SHOPPING FOR SHOES?

Pic of the Day As requested, everyone's favorite photo...

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But First...today's science lesson! 

Look at the chart and say the color not the word

YELLOW  BLUE  ORANGE
BLACK  RED  GREEN
PURPLE  YELLOW  RED
ORANGE  GREEN  BLACK
BLUE  RED  PURPLE
GREEN  BLUE  ORANGE

Left - Right Conflict
Your right brain tries to say the color but
your left brain insists on reading the word.

 

 

 

In Today's Tribune  Sunday  May 5, 2002

• We are starting week two Read  last weeks articles by clicking "Week 1" located in the Archives section (left hand column) or just click here Last Week

 

• The Keeno Man is back Read about Keeno's early childhood experiences. Its in his Keeno Korner or just click here Keeno.  
  
  
  
• Publishers Kalendar Updated, again! - Hey she's at it again! Our Publisher is keeping up with the dates. Its in the Kalendar Korner!
   
  Editors note: Just kidding! Our Publisher is doing a great job considering she has never taken a web design class or has ever worked with HTML language before. She updates the Calendar Section all on her own. She says its a hobby for her... all of us here at the Trib know she does it so she won't have to hire and pay another person to do it!
  
  
• Airline Entertainment - by MacTavish McGote
  
  
• Vegas Photos - by  MacTavish McGote 

 

 

Airline Entertainment 
- submitted by MacTavish       McGote

In light of all the recent air security that has
been put in place, crew members try to lighten
the mood once folks get on board. Here's how they make
the in flight  "safety lecture" and their
other announcements a bit more entertaining.
These are real examples that
have been heard or reported:

On a Continental flight with a very "senior" flight
attendant crew, the  pilot said, "Ladies and
gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and
will  be turning down the cabin lights. This is
for your comfort and to enhance 
the appearance of your flight attendants."

Upon landing, the stewardess said,
"Please be sure to take all your  belongings.
If you're going to leave anything, please
make sure it's  something we'd like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover,
but there are only four ways out  of this airplane."

"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express.
We hope you enjoyed giving us  the business
as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
Washington National, a lone  voice came over
the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms
in Memphis, a flight  attendant on a Northwest
flight announced, "Please take care when
opening  the overhead compartments because,
after a landing like that,
sure as God everything has shifted."

From a Southwest Airlines employee:
"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XX to  YYY.
To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab
into the buckle, and  pull tight. It works just
like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know
  how to operate one, you probably
shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin
pressure, masks will descend from  the
ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask,
and pull it over your face. If  you
have a small child traveling with you,
secure your mask before assisting  with
theirs. If you are traveling with more
than one small child...pick your  favorite."

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with
some broken clouds, but we'll  try to have them
fixed before we arrive. Thank you,
and remember, nobody  loves you,
or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation;
and, in the event of an  emergency water
landing, please paddle to shore
and take them with our  compliments."

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen
masks will drop from the overhead  area.
Please place the bag over your own mouth
and nose before assisting  children...
or other adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather
all of your belongings. Anything  left behind
will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please  do not leave children or spouses."

And from the pilot during his welcome message:
"Delta airlines is pleased to  have some
of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately, none  of them are on this flight."

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a
very hard landing in Salt Lake  City:
The flight attendant came on the intercom
and said, "That was quite a  bump, and
I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here
to tell you it wasn't the  airline's fault, it wasn't
the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight 
attendant's fault...it was the asphalt!"

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo,
Texas, on a  particularly windy and bumpy day:
During the final approach, the captain was 
really having to fight it. After an
extremely hard landing, the flight  attendant
said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to
Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your
seat belts fastened while the captain
taxis what's left  of our airplane to the gate."

Another flight attendant's comment on a
less than perfect anding: "We ask  you
to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo
bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular
flight he had landed his  plane into the
runway really hard. The airline had a policy
that required the  first officer to stand at
the door while the passengers exited, smile,
and  give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline."
He said that, in light of his  bad landing,
he had a hard time looking the passengers
in the eye, thinking  that someone would
have a smart comment. Finally everyone had
gotten off  except for a little old lady
walking with a cane. She said, Sonny, mind
if  I ask you a question?"  "Why no, ma'am,"
said the pilot. "What is it?" The little
old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix,
the flight attendant came on  with, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
Capt. Crash  and the Crew have brought
the aircraft to a screeching halt against the
  gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared
and the warning bells are  silenced, we'll open
the door and you can pick your way
through the wreckage  to the terminal."

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like to thank you  folks for flying with
us today. And, the next time you get the
insane urge  to go blasting through the skies
in a pressurized metal tube,
we hope you'll  think of US Airways."

 

Vegas Photos
- taken by MacTavish McGote

Here he is ladies and Gentleman. The one and only "Wilson" the horse. You can spot him in his corral, on your left hand side (north) after you pass Baker and just before you start downhill onto the border. If he is facing "west" as the picture shows, you will be taking money home, if he faces "east" you are in for a very long ride home. If he faces north or south, anything goes.

So what happens when Wilson faces east?..........

This is what happens!!