MY THREE WISE MEN
As a young boy growing up without a father, I adapted my survival skills to suit the environment I was immersed in. My underlining objective, as a seven year old boy, was to convince myself that I didn’t need, want, yearn or miss my father, the man I never knew. I didn’t think it was possible to yearn for someone you have never met. My mother, who was obviously hurt and manipulated by this man, didn’t want to recognize that he even existed. Feeling this tension and uneasiness with her, when I would ask her about him, left me with no alternative but to suffer in silence, never to bring up his name again. The last thing I wanted to do was to add to my mother’s pain and stress.
As the years past, I focused my energy into athletics. Being that my uncles were into sports gave me the opportunity to relate
to them on a more intimate level. I don’t believe my Godfather Benny and my uncles Larry and Tony fully understood how therapeutic and important their relationships with their young nephew really meant to me. I remember Benny wearing his #11 Pat Haden jersey and his sons Johnny and Chris wearing matching John Capelletti #22 Ram’s jersey. I was envious but not jealous. I was accepted in their overall father and son rituals. I guess I was secretly riding their coattails in their rites of passage manhood training program.
Benny, you helped save your Godson’s life. I literally mean that. I was searching for some type of guidance, not always in the right places, and I found you. I love you and I continue to look to your spirit for understanding. I looked to you for intangible things like humility, character, generosity, humor, consistency, propriety and creativity. I remember when I had a father and son football banquet. I was stressed, worried, confused and embarrassed about my dilemma. I thought about not going. My mother suggested that I ask you and my worries were immediately laid to rest. That was a good night for me, as I asked you to go and you accepted so graciously. I knew that I could count on you. Thank you for making that night, my childhood and my life a positive work in progress. I remember all the birthdays and holidays. I remember all the gifts and love on those special days when you reminded me that I had a special place in your heart.
I remember all my cousins wishing you were their Godfather because of the nice gifts you gave. For those occasions I walked a little taller, smiled a lot wider and cried fewer tears. I want to acknowledge you for that. You were a major influence on a young boy who was mad at the world, but didn’t know why. Even when I got the opportunity to earn a football scholarship at the University of New Mexico, I didn’t know until later that you helped my mother financially, to put me through college. Again, you were looking out for me from afar. Benny, as I grow and begin to establish my own family, I need to take this time to thank you for leading, from afar. You taught me that there are different ways to lead. You don’t always have to be in front to be a leader. You led me from a distance. I love you and your spirit still guides me. This will never die as you influence my sons, through me. I recognize your efforts to carry the torch of the family website. I am compelled to acknowledge your efforts and let you know my grandmother; your mother also recognizes your subtle strength and leadership. I guess now it’s her turn to show her admiration and love to you, albeit from afar, just as you showed me. I felt her love for you whenever your name was mentioned between the two of us. Even the strongest Oak tree must bend and sway with the storm, in order to survive. Thank you for being my Oak tree.
My Uncle Larry, AKA Sweet Cheeks. You gave me the keys to success. But with those keys, you told me I have to let my own self in. You gave me the gifts of self- reliance, possibilities, vision, discipline, intelligence, diligence, passion, honor and integrity. I learned all these characteristics from you. I remember grandma always using you as an example of what I could do and be. I remember the day she told me that you were the first to put yourself through college and graduate on your own accord. That was the day I knew I would be the second in the family to graduate from college.
You were the last to leave home, but the first to know what you wanted out of life and how to get it. I lived with you at grandma’s house for a short time, but I always sensed you were operating on a whole newer level than what your environment dictated. That was a very important and valuable image for me. A real man impresses on his environment. His environment doesn’t impress on him. Through the fire or any storm, Larry, you taught me perseverance. It would be an honor for me to share the same foxhole with you. That is the ultimate compliment I could give any man. I give that to you. I observed you going to the Army reserves but couldn’t understand why. Grandma later told me that’s how you paid your way through college. I learned then to do whatever it takes to attain your goals. You taught me to sacrifice now to get to my dreams in the future. Larry, because you believed in yourself then, I believe in myself now. I couldn’t understand how this slow, short, non-muscular man could teach me a lesson every time we played any sport. From tennis to basketball, I was being taken to school. Larry, you taught me to be a thinker. You showed me that the fastest and swiftest don’t always win the race. I am eternally grateful for all the manhood lessons you taught me. Whenever you spoke to me, you had my undivided attention, and you still do. I love you and I am humbled whenever anybody compliments me on my intelligence because I know my teacher, (Uncle Larry), would be proud of me. One thing I can say is that you never beat me in a foot race, starting at 10 years of age. I just hope I can keep up with you and be half the man you are in the race of life. I know you are a teacher by profession now, but you have always taught the right lessons in life. I love, honor and respect you, sweet cheeks!
I saved my favorite uncle for last, my Uncle Tony. He is the single most influence in my life than any person I have ever met. He is a man with many talents that need to be shared with the world. You are the family’s treasure, when everyone thinks you define being rich by monetary value that is what a definition of a hero is to me. You are my hero. Not in an over dramatic, Hollywood definition of a hero is, but a true to life everyday man who walks in the same light as righteousness, integrity and honor. My admiration for you is as strong today as it was when you took your ten year old nephew to sign up for little league baseball. I have never forgotten that. That single action you did for me, is the greatest thing anyone has ever done for me. That’s including up to this point in my life. Tony, I would look at you in awe. To a young boy, you were my role model and continue to be. I remember all the hooptys you used to drive, from the white Chevy I fell out of because the passenger door wouldn’t shut all the way, to the red, beat up hornet station wagon. Materialism did not have its place with you so it didn’t have its place with me. You taught me that life was simple and what was important in one’s life.
A man had to have his priorities in order. You were your own man and that impressed me. You are my definition of manhood. I watched you raise your two beautiful and intelligent children, Alicia and Dylan. You set the standard for me as a father. I watched you discipline, love, raise, teach and take care of your kids by yourself. I never saw you blink in the face of adversity or responsibilities. Tony, its no coincidence we share the same fondness for our left hand, #21, art, sports, children, Willie Mays, Roberto Clemente and poetry. You are the single most significant influence in my life. The man I inspire to be is the man you see when you look in the mirror. Every success I have had in my life points to your continual influence on your nephew. In the movie, Antwone Fisher, he asks, “Who will cry for the little boy?” Thank you, Tony for crying for me. I love, honor and am thankful that you cared about me. You are not only my favorite uncle, but also my favorite human being.
To my three wise men, I honor you on my 36th birthday. I thank you for all the gifts you have given me. They have truly sustained me throughout my lifetime.
ONE LOVE, T.C.