Dedicated
to

Esperanza
Aquino
Aug 9, 1921
Sept 24,1983

Welcome to Mixedflavas

Hi y'all! Mixedflavas here!


In today tidbits... 

 

 

Subject: CIA Screening


The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists... Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your
wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them. 

One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs 

My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely. 

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes. 

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does. 

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends. 

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today. 

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness. 

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire. 

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes! 

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." 

Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. 

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care. 

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him. 

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day. 

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff. 

A woman is just getting out of the shower when the doorbell
rings. Her husband, heading to the shower himself, asks her
see who's at the door, so she wraps herself up in a towel
and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands her next-door
neighbor, Rob.
Before she can say a word, Rob says, "I'll give you $500
dollars to drop that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of him.
He looks for a few seconds, hands her $500 dollars, and
leaves.
Excited about her earnings, the woman puts the towel back
on and runs upstairs. Her husband yells out from the
shower, "Who was that?"
"It was Rob from next door," she replies.

"Great," the husband says. "Did he say anything about the
$500 dollars he owes me?"

"HAVE A NICE DAY"





 

 






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