In Today's Tribune
By
Amerfino B. Aquino
Excuse me, but
today I'm going to climb up on the soapbox and express an opinion I
have regarding Social Security. I hear the government has been
dipping into the social security till and there probably won't be
any social security for us to collect in twenty years. Which brings
me to ask you to ponder this.
Perhaps we are
asking the wrong questions during election years. Our Senators and
Congresswomen do not pay into Social Security and, of course, they
do not collect from it. You see, Social Security benefits were not
suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society. They felt
they should have a special plan for themselves. So, many years ago
they voted in their own benefit plan. In more recent years, no
congressperson has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a
great plan.
For all practical
purposes their plan works like this: When they retire, they continue
to draw the same pay until they die. Except it may increase from
time to time for cost of living adjustments. For example, former
Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to
draw $7,800,000.00 (that's Seven Million, Eight-Hundred Thousand
Dollars), with their wives drawing $275,000.00 during the last years
of their lives. This is calculated on an average life span for each
of those two Dignitaries. Younger Dignitaries who retire at an early
age, will receive much more during the rest of their lives.
Their cost for this
excellent plan is $0.00. NADA....ZILCH.... This little perk they
voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for
this plan. The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly
from the General Funds; "OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK"! From our own
Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into,
-every payday until we retire (which amount is matched by our
employer)- we can expect to get an average of $1,000 per month after
retirement. Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average
of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one (1) month to equal
Senator Bill Bradley's benefits!
Social Security
could be very good if only one small change were made. That change
would be to jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the
Senators and Congressmen. Put them into the Social Security plan
with the rest of us ... then sit back and watch how fast they would
fix it. I know they won't voluntarily do this. Do you?
So what do we do?
Write our congressmen?
Here's today's
tidbits
Don't forget to
view the Piknik photos
Click here
2003 Piknik Photo Album
Born on September
26th
1888 T.S Eliot
(author)
1898 George Gershwin
(composer)
1948 Olivia Newton-John
(singer, actress)
1956 Linda Hamilton (actress)
1981 Serena Williams
(tennis player)
2001 Joseph Edwin Garcia (muggs)
*Note: Due
to the lawsuit in which Taiyo has filed against The Neen Tribune,
she has been banned from our offices and her column is temporarily
shelved. When she has come to her senses and has revoked her claim
against us, we will continue Taiyo's Joke Corner. In the meantime,
we will bring you another jokemaster.
Chiyo's
Chuckles
Did You Hear About the Dimwit Who:
Spent four days in Sears looking for wheels for a miscarriage?
Took his expectant wife to the grocery store because they had free
delivery?
Took a roll of toilet paper to a crap game?
Put iodine on his paycheck because he got a cut in pay?
Was so lazy he married a pregnant woman?
Thought asphalt was rectum trouble?
Wouldn't go out with his wife because he heard she was married?
Thought his typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period?
Thought "no kidding" meant birth control?
Studied for five days to take a urine test?
Republican
franchise?
What is the
Daily Buzzword for September 26?
unison \YOO-nuh-sun\
noun
What does it mean?
1 : sameness of musical pitch
2 : exact agreement : accord
How do you use it?
"There was a momentary pause; it was broken, first, by one
little tentative note; then a second voice strengthened it,
and a third and fourth chimed in in unison . . ." (Thomas
Hardy, _Tess of the d'Urbervilles_)
Are you a word wiz?
At the root of "unison" is "uni-," a prefix that comes from
the Latin word "unus." What do you think "unus" means?
Consider that "uni-" appears in words like "unicycle" and
"unicorn" as well.
A. together
B. one
C. song
D. wheel
Answer:
There is one right answer: "unus" means "one." A unicycle
has one wheel, and a unicorn has one horn. "Unison" comes from
the Latin word "unisonus," meaning "having the same (that is,
one) sound," from the combination of "uni-" and "sonus," or
"sound." "Unison" usually appears in the phrase "in unison,"
which means "together," "at the same time," or "at the same
musical pitch." Medieval music was written to be sung in
unison, unlike today's combinations of rhythms and harmonies.
In addition to singing, a group may shout or move in unison,
or do anything in which they act as one.
Trying to make the
deadline
No particular
reason for this photo
She's just so
danged cute. Happy belated Heather.
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
It's
the birthday boy!
Click here
http://www.jigzone.com/ms/z.php?ui=620820049i1003940&z=48_piece_classic
That's all for this
week. I hope you all have a pleasant and safe weekend. See you
Monday.
The following is what appeared
in yesterday's edition
In Today's Tribune
By
Amerfino B. Aquino
As you all may
know, Tony Aquino is a very talented artist in his own right.
Whether it be drawing, painting, composing poems or writing stories,
he excels at what he does. What you may not know is that he is the
Technical Director of Van Aken International, the makers of Kato
PolyClay. He recently wrote a paper on the different techniques and
uses of the incorporation of liquid tempera paint on polymer clay.
I, without his knowledge, managed to get a copy of that paper and am
posting page one of it for you to view.
Sorry Tony, but I'm
too proud of you to let this go unnoticed.
Here's today's
tidbits
Born on September
25th
1944 Michael Douglas (actor)
1951 Mark Hamill (actor)
1952 Christopher Reeve
(actor)
1961 Heather Locklear
(actress)
1965 Scottie Pippen (athlete)
1968 Will Smith (actor,
singer)
1969 Catherine Zeta-Jones
(actress)
*Note: Due
to the lawsuit in which Taiyo has filed against The Neen Tribune,
she has been banned from our offices and her column is temporarily
shelved. When she has come to her senses and has revoked her claim
against us, we will continue Taiyo's Joke Corner. In the meantime,
we will bring you another jokemaster.
Chiyo's
Chuckles
Quotes about SEX
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural,
wholesome things that money can buy." --Steve Martin
"You know that look women get when they want sex? . . .Me
neither." --Drew Carey
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good
partner, you'd better have a good hand." --Unknown
"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."
--Rodney Dangerfield
"My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of
hard for him to come out of the closet." --Bill Kelly
"As the French say, there are three sexes-men, women and
clergymen." -- Rev. Sydney Smith
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on
Saturday night." --Woody Allen
"Homosexuality is God's way of insuring that the truly gifted
aren't burdened with children." --Sam Austin
"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."
--George Burns
"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting
married." --Matt Barry
"Leaving sex to the clergy is like letting your dog vacation at
the taxidermist." --Camille Paglia
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--George Burns
Special mouse for
women
What is the
Daily Buzzword for September 25?
flabbergast \FLAB-er-gast\ verb
What does it mean?
: astonish, dumbfound
How do you use it?
Courtney flabbergasted Kim by suggesting that she get up
very early Saturday morning to study for her vocabulary test.
Are you a word wiz?
While "flabbergast" is fun, it might not be just the right
word to express your thoughts. Luckily, it has several
synonyms, two of which are in the definition. Which of the
words below do you think are also synonyms of "flabbergast"?
A. appraise, amount
B. upraise, unsound
C. amaze, astound
D. rephrase, expound
Answer:
No need to be amazed or astounded to learn that C lists
synonyms of "flabbergast." Each word means to impress by
something unexpected. "Flabbergast" suggests not only
surprise, but even confusion or disappointment. ("Greg was
flabbergasted that she turned him down.") "Amaze," on the
other hand, describes an effect of bewilderment. ("The
tourists were amazed by the size of the palace.") "Astound"
emphasizes the shock of sudden wonder or a sudden surprise.
("Gil was so astounded by the question that he couldn't
respond.") You shouldn't be surprised when we tell you that
another synonym of "flabbergast" is the word "surprise."
Comix
.jpg)
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
My latest favorite niece
Click here
http://www.jigzone.com/ms/z.php?ui=620820049i1002699&z=48_piece_classic
That's all for today's edition.
Tune in tomorrow for some more really stupid, goofy, idiotic stuff.
Peace.
The following is what appeared
in yesterday's edition
In Today's Tribune
By
Amerfino B. Aquino
The Neen Tribune
was slapped with a lawsuit yesterday by the infamous Johnny
Cockroach. He and his client, Rosario "Taiyo" Villalba, held a brief
news conference on the front steps of the Pomona Superior Court. All
of this stems from an article that was published here last Friday.
"Taiyo" has firmly denied any and all facts relating to the "ice
cream incident". Mr. Cockroach has demanded that we retract the
statements made about "Taiyo" and he has also demanded a public
apology. We at The Neen Tribune pride ourselves in bringing the
truth to the Free World and will not back down against this
mercenary and his so called "innocent" client. We are prepared to
fight this tooth and nail to the end.
"Taiyo" and Johnny Cockroach at press conference in Pomona
We will publish any
updates about this ongoing court battle as they become available.
Rest assured. The truth will prevail.
Here's today's
tidbits
Born on September
24th
1931
Anthony Newley (actor)
1936 Jim Henson
(creator of the "The Muppets")
1941 Linda McCartney
(photographer, singer)
19?? Lerma Aquino
(cousin)
1948 Phil Hartman
(comedian)
Taiyo's Joke
Corner
You might be a Redneck if........
...you need one more hole punched in your card before you get a
freebie at the House of Tattoos.
...your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has
an opening on the lube rack.
...you get an estimate from the barber before he cuts your hair.
...after making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
...anyone in your family has ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
...your family tree is a straight line.
...you own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
...you've ever worn a cowboy hat to church.
...you have a picture of Willie Nelson or Johnny Cash over the
fireplace.
...you still have an 8-track tape player in your car.
...you have sunglasses that are mirrored on the inside.
...your idea of safe sex is a padded headboard.
...your think BMW are the call letters for a radio station.
...you own a belt buckle that weighs more than 3 pounds.
...you've ever been to a funeral where there were more pickup
trucks than cars.
...your all-time favorite move is Cannonball Run.
...you have any relatives named Elmer or Jed.
Bike for men
Bike for women
Every day we'll bring you
a new word to add to your vocabulary
What is the Daily Buzzword for September
24?
agile \AJ-il\ adjective
What does it mean?
1 : able to move quickly and easily : nimble
2 : mentally quick
How do you use it?
Jenny looked as agile as a cat as she made her way through the
obstacle course to win the race.
Are you a word wiz?
We can trace "agile" back to the Latin word "agere," which has
several meanings including "to drive" and "to lead." See if these
clues lead you to choose the answer that names another member of the
"agere" family. A. navigate B. delegate C. elongate D. obligate
Answer: Can you see the family resemblance between "agile" and
"navigate"? Besides a similarity in spelling, both have to do with
movement. "Navigate" combines "agere" with the Latin word "navis,"
meaning "ship." Other relatives in the large "agere" family include
"active," "agenda," and "react." The kinship between "agile" and
these words is easier to see when you know that "agere" also means
"to act." "Active" means acting a lot; "agent" means something that
acts to produce an effect; and "react" means to act in response to
something. Can you figure out one more "agere" descendant? Of
course, it's the word "act."
Dog's night out?
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
Me and The Girls
Click here
http://www.jigzone.com/ms/z.php?ui=620820049i1001407&z=48_piece_classic
That's all for today's edition.
Tune in tomorrow for some more really stupid, goofy, idiotic stuff.
Peace.
The following is what appeared
in yesterday's edition
In Today's Tribune
By
Amerfino B. Aquino
I am so sorry about
yesterday. I screwed up. What else can I say?
Today's a great day
in my life. My first son was born. John Francis Aquino. A super
great person and family man. He's accomplished so much in his life
and I know that the best is yet to come. Happy Birthday John. I love
you.
Here's Tuesday's
tidbits
Born on September
23rd
63 BC Augustus Caesar
(first Roman emperor)
1920 Mickey Rooney
(actor)
1930 Ray Charles
(singer)
1943 Julio Iglesias
(singer)
1945 Paul Petersen (actor)
1947 Mary Kay Place
(actress)
1949 Bruce Springsteen (singer)
1959 Jason Alexander (actor)
1967 John
F. Aquino (postal worker)
Taiyo's Joke
Corner
Susie Lee fell in love. She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all, She told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, "Susie Gal, You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' maw don't know, But Joe is yo' half-brother."
So Susie forgot about her Joe And planned to marry Will.
But, after telling Pappy this, He said, "There's trouble still.
You can't marry Will, my gal, And please don't tell yo' mother,
Cause Will and Joe and several mo' I know is yo' half-brother."
But Mama knew and said "Honey Child, Do what makes yo' happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe, You ain't no kin to Pappy
Tribune Necessity
Useless Fact
What makes "stainless" steel stainless?
Stainless steel was developed in 1913 by British metallurgist
Harry Brearley, who was searching for a better lining for cannons.
He discovered that chromium had the ability to create an oxide
lining, and that steel made from iron and chromium resisted many
corrosive chemicals.
Stainless steel is coated with a thin, transparent film of iron
oxide and chromium. This prevents soap, food, water, and air from
getting to the metal below and eating it away. Since its coating is
so smooth, stainless steel is very sanitary. Bacteria, fungi, and
dirt have nowhere to hide and are easily washed away. For this
reason, commercial kitchen surfaces and cooking equipment are often
made of stainless steel.
Another unique thing about this kind of steel is that it can
"heal" itself. When scratched or nicked, the protective oxide
immediately recoats the damaged area. Because of its great ability
to resist rusting, it is an ideal material for cutlery, pots, and
pans. Now, if they could only make stainless steel mufflers...
Ladies. Some days
doesn't it seem like this?
Name Trivia
Hector Boiardi
Yes, there is a Chef Boyardee, although his
name is not spelled that way. Hector Boiardi, an Italian
immigrant, came to the United States in 1914 when he was only
17.
Upon his arrival, he immediately got a job as a chef at New
York's Plaza Hotel, where his brother worked as a waiter. After
moving to Cleveland, he perfected his spaghetti and meatball
recipe in 1929. His customers kept asking for bottles of his
pasta sauce so they could have it at home, and he obliged. He
then added cheeses and pasta to the sauce.
The results were so popular that he started to sell the
products in area stores, and later in stores outside the area.
Boiardi remained an advisor in the canned pasta business until
his death at age 87 in 1985. And yes, that is Hector's picture
on the label.
|
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
The Birthday Boy At Work
Click here
http://www.jigzone.com/ms/z.php?ui=620820049i1000153&z=48_piece_classic
That's all for today's edition.
Tune in tomorrow for some more really stupid, goofy, idiotic stuff.
Peace.
