Friday, November
7th, 2003
In Today's Tribune
Whew! I thought
Friday would never come. I hope everybody can make it down to Neen's
tomorrow. I've been dying for some good old Neen-style potato salad.
Remember, it's at 3 p.m. Pacific time.
Today I start a new
gallery page. It's only got one picture there now but I'll be adding
more pictures that I've already posted on the home page in a couple
of days. I guess the new page is to satiate my ego and also to give
those who missed them the first time around a second chance to see
them.
The first entry is
my letter carrying son John. When I showed him the picture he said
that that was the best picture he's taken in years. It's a poster
spinoff of "The Terminator".
Click here for "The Abstinator"
Here's today's
tidbits
Born on
November 7th
·
Madame Curie
(1867)
·
Dean Jagger
(1903)
·
Billy Graham
(1918)
·
Al Hirt
(1922)
·
Joan Sutherland
(1926)
·
Joni Mitchell
(1943)
·
Keith Lockhart
(1959)
·
Dana Plato
(1964)
·
Jason and Jeremy London
(1972)
·
We are so sorry but at press time there weren’t any pictures available of
the London brothers. According to Amerfino’s rules and regulations
(page 73, paragraph 2, line 6) we must have a photo of a celebrity
in the birthday page. Since tomorrow is Tara Reid’s birthday, here
she is.
Attractive
Woman
A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet
rural bar. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who
comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively
signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When
he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face
with both hands.
"Actually no," the man replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says,
running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything
I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues,
slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing
him to suck them gently.
What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper or hand soap
in the ladies room.
Casual Fridays
Cyanide
A lady walks into a drug store and
tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world
do you need cyanide?
The lady then explained she needed to
poison her husband.
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he
said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your
husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail
and I'll lose my license.
Then the lady reached into her purse
and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's
wife and handed it to the pharmacist.
The pharmacist looked at the picture
and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Trivia
What
is the Daily Buzzword for November 7th?
coerce \koh-ERSS\
verb
What does it mean?
: to cause someone to do something by force or threat
How do you use it?
Amanda coerced Jack into giving up the TV by threatening
to tell that he was watching a show their mom forbids them
to see.
Are you a word wiz?
"Coerce" is made up of two Latin roots, "co-" and "arcere."
"Co-" means "together"; what do you think "arcere" means?
A. to watch TV
B. to threaten
C. to pinch
D. to shut up
Answer:
We won't coerce you into answering, but we hope that if you
did, you chose D. "Arcere" means "to shut up or enclose," and
it was combined with the prefix "co-" to form the Latin verb
"coercere," meaning "to confine or restrain." From "coarcere"
came the English word "coerce," which appeared in English in
the 15th century. "Coerce" has some unlikely relatives that
also come from "arcere." One is "exercise," a combination of
"ex-," meaning "outside," and "arcere." Another word that
shares ancestry with "arcere" is the Latin word "arca." From
"arca" we get our word "ark."
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
Mas Loco
Click here
The
Real Jeff Garcia
That's all for
today's issue. Tune in Monday for more stuff.
Have a great
weekend and we'll see you at Neen's tomorrow.
The following
is what appeared in Thursday's edition..........
In Today's Tribune
Thursday. Four down
and one to go. Tomorrow I'm going to debut a new page to the
Tribune. It will contain a new "morphed" picture and Monday I'll
throw in all of the ones I've done so far. I think tomorrow's
picture is probably my best one yet. It took a lot of work. I hope
you get a giggle out of it.
Here's today's
tidbits
Born on
November 6th
·
John Philip Sousa
(1854)
·
James Naismith
(1861)
·
Walter Perry Johnson
(1887)
·
Mike Nichols
(1931)
·
Sally Field
(1946)
·
Glenn Frey
(1948)
·
Maria Shriver
(1955)
·
Ethan Hawke
(1970)
·
Rebecca Romijn-Stamos
(1972)
Proposition From the Devil
------------------------------
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the
Devil appeared before him.
The Devil said to the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you.
You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life.
Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in
awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money.
All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your
children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents,
and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends
and law partners."
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked,
"So, what's the catch?"
Granny
Great Truths About Growing Old
1)
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2)
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3)
When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while
you're down there.
4)
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from
a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5)
It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody
bothers to ask you the questions.
6)
Time may be a great healer, ! but it's a lousy beautician.
7)
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
Gays In Military
What
is the Daily Buzzword for November 6th?
maestro \MYE-stroh\
noun
What does it mean?
: a master of an art and especially of music
How do you use it?
The maestro, known to be one of the best violinists in the
world, bowed to the cheering audience following the
performance.
Are you a word wiz?
From what language do you think English borrowed the word
"maestro"?
A. Italian
B. Japanese
C. Arabic
D. Swahili
Answer:
Answer A is music to our ears. "Maestro" means "master" in
Italian, coming from a Latin word with the same meaning. It
usually refers to someone who has studied for a long time and
has become not just an accomplished performer, but is usually
also a top-notch teacher, composer, or conductor. "Virtuoso"
is also Italian, coming from an adjective with the same
spelling that means "virtuous" or "skilled." It traces back
to the Latin word "virtus," meaning "strength" or "virtue."
"Virtuoso" usually refers to someone who has studied to
become an outstanding performer and excels in the technique
of playing an instrument.
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
Hubba-Hubba
Click here
Va-Voom
That's all for
today's issue. Tune in tomorrow for more stuff.
The following
is what appeared in Wednesday's edition..........
In Today's Tribune
Neen wants me to
remind everybody about the early Thanksgiving dinner that's being
held at her place this Saturday at 3p.m..
The bill of fare includes turkey,
ham, sweet potato casserole, dressing, potato salad, mashed potatoes
and macaroni salad.
What she needs most
are veggie dishes, desserts and drinks.
Timi is making
spinach dip.
Roni is making
pumpkin pies.
Barbara is bringing
sweet potato pies.
She's also going to
have another garage sale on Sunday.
Contact Neen for
all the details.
See you there.
Here's today's
tidbits
Born on
November 5th
·
Joel McCrea
(1905)
·
Roy Rogers
(1911)
·
Vivien Leigh
(1913)
·
Ike Turner
(1931)
·
Elke Sommer
(1940)
·
Art Garfunkel
(1941)
·
Sam Shepard
(1943)
·
Peter Noone
(1947)
·
Bryan Adams
(1959)
·
Tatum O'Neal
(1963)
·
Javy Lopez
(1970)
The Gender of
Objects
If you're like most people, common everyday items look inert to you.
But what you may not know is that many of them have a gender. For
example.
Ziploc Bags
-- Male, because they hold everything in but you can see right
through them.
Copier
-- Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.
It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are
pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
Tire
-- Male, because it goes bald and often it's over inflated.
Hot Air
Balloon
-- Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire
under it . . . and, of course, there's the hot air part.
Sponges
-- Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain water.
Web Page
-- Female, because it's always getting hit on
Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people
up.
Hourglass
-- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
Hammer
-- Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years,
but it's handy to have around.
Remote Control
-- Female . . . Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider -- it
gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't
always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
Hot Off The Presses
What
is the Daily Buzzword for November 5th?
kinetic
\kuh-NEH-tik\ adjective
What does it mean?
: of or relating to the motions of material bodies and the
forces and energy associated with them
How do you use it?
In science, we learned that a moving object has kinetic
energy.
Are you a word wiz?
"Kinetic" comes to us from the Greek word which means
"to move." Which of these words do you think came from
the same Greek root?
A. bicycle
B. kite
C. cinema
D. nine
Answer:
Both "kinetic" and "cinema" moved into English by way of the
Greek word "kinein," meaning "to move." "Kinetic" comes from
"kinetikos," meaning "related to motion," which in turn came
from the verb "kinein." "Cinema" is short for "cinematograph,"
a word we got from French, but that the French created from
the Greek "kinema," meaning "movement," also from "kinein."
So no matter what motion picture you see, a trip to the
cinema is always a "moving" experience.
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
Losers
Click here
Better luck next time
That's all for
today's issue. Tune in tomorrow for more stuff.
The following
is what appeared in Tuesday's edition..........
In Today's Tribune
Due to the
overwhelming response to my inquiry yesterday, I am forced to shut
down today's edition. The message board technical support has
informed me that because of the massive barrage of messages sent in,
it caused the server to overload and was shut down for nearly eight
hours. I, myself, have received over 650 private e-mails on the
subject. It will take me all day to just skim through them. I want
to thank you all for your support.
The following is what appeared
in Monday's edition...............
In Today's Tribune
Whew! Am I glad to
get all that Halloween crap stowed sway. I've been seeing black and
orange in my sleep for the last couple of weeks. November is here
and Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner. I dusted
off my old Christmas CD and put it in the car. To me, it seems like
the time from Thanksgiving to Christmas goes too fast. I want the
spirit to last longer, so I'm playing my songs right now. Do you
think that's too early? I know that most radio stations start
playing Christmas songs right after Thanksgiving. Why don't we take
a little survey. Let us know when you start playing your favorite
holiday songs by way of the message board. I'm just curious.
Here's today's
tidbits
Born on
November 3rd
Charles
Bronson
(1921)
Michael
Dukakis
(1933)
Ken Berry
(1933)
Roseanne
(1952)
Dennis Miller
(1953)
Kate Capshaw
(1953)
Adam Ant
(1954)
Dolph Lundgren
(1959)
He (or She) is so vain that:
I'd like to buy him for what he's worth
and sell him for what he thinks he's worth.
He's planning to take his own hand in
marriage.
He joined the navy so the world could
see him.
His new book is entitled, "Famous
People Who Have Met Me ".
Half an hour after he left the
bathroom, the mirror is still warm.
He has a mirror on the bathroom ceiling
to watch himself gargle.
He believes in love at first sight,
especially since he saw himself in the mirror.
Can You
Recognize This Famous Person By Their School Photo?
answer below
Love At
First Sight
The LeRoy Brothers!
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office
worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and
LeRoy," she answered.
"They're all named LeRoy?" he asked. "What if want them to come in
from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all come
running in."
"And, if want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
Answer To Famous
Person School Photo: Cybill Shepard
The Missus And Me
What
is the Daily Buzzword for November 3rd?
assert \uh-SERT\ verb
What does it mean?
1 : to state clearly and strongly
2 : to make others aware of
How do you use it?
"The time has come to assert my feelings," Judy said as her
father served dinner, "and let you know, without a doubt, I
hate meatloaf."
Are you a word wiz?
Tell us clearly and strongly, which of the words below is a
synonym of "assert"?
A. allow
B. avow
C. dispute
D. dilute
Answer:
"Assert," "avow," "declare," and "affirm" all mean to state
positively usually in the face of denial or objection. Use
"assert" to suggest the announcement of something with
confidence and often without need for proof or evidence
("I assert that our team can win the game"). Try "avow" for
a forceful statement that accepts responsibility ("The
newspaper avowed responsibility for its mistake"). Use
"declare" for an open or public statement ("Rachael declared
that she would run for class president"). Choose "affirm" to
suggest a firm belief based on evidence, experience, or faith
("The author's speech affirmed that there is good in everyone").
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
The Three Amigas
Click here
The Three Amigas
That's all for
today's issue. Tune in tomorrow for more stuff.
