Thursday, May 6th,
2004
In Today's Tribune
I have been informed through
one of my sources that a couple of you have taken offense to some of
the photo manipulations I've done of them. If I have offended you
then I apologize to you here and now. It is not my intention to make
fun of or belittle anyone. They are all done purely for fun.
When I first started doing
this webpage, I had three goals. I wanted to keep everyone
up-to-date on all family matters. I wanted to put in articles that
would educate and inform everyone of popular and off-the-wall
subjects. Lastly, I wanted to try my darnedest to make you all
laugh. After all, laughter is the best medicine. If you can't laugh
at yourself, who can you laugh at?
Again, I apologize. To show
my sincerity, I will voluntarily suspend myself from the website for
an indefinite period of time.
Man, I feel like Richard
Nixon.
I hope all you Mothers have
a wonderful Mother's Day on Sunday.
Here's today's tidbits
Born on May 6th
George Clooney
(1961)
Tom Bergeron
(1955)
Tony Blair
(1953)
Bob Seger
(1945)
Willie Mays
(1931)
Orson Welles
(1915)
Rudolph Valentino
(1895)
Sigmund Freud
(1856)
Robert E. Peary
(1856)
Two
Doctors
One night, a man and a woman are at a bar downing a few beers. They
strike up a conversation and quickly discover that they're both
doctors.
After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey, how about we
sleep together tonight? No strings attached. It'll just be one night
of fun."
The woman agrees. So they go back to her place. She goes into the
bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the
operating room. She scrubs for a good 10-20 minutes.
Finally, she goes into the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or
so. Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't
you?"
"Yeah, how did you know?"
"I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started."
"Oh, that makes sense," says the woman.
"You're an anesthesiologist, aren't you?"
"Yeah," says the man, a bit taken aback. "How did you know?"
The woman answers, "I didn't feel a thing."
Twenty-Nine Days And
Counting
Today's useless
fact - Does the government pay people to move to Alaska?
This question strikes us as a great example of how a little bit of
information can sometimes be more misleading than no information at
all. To the best of our knowledge, neither the federal nor the state
government of Alaska pays people to move to the "Last Frontier." On
the other hand, qualifying residents of Alaska do receive an annual
payment from the state, known as the Permanent Fund Dividend.
The Permanent Fund was established by the state of Alaska in 1976 to
protect, reinvest, and grow the revenues generated by North Slope
oil revenues and the Trans-Alaska pipeline.
Managed as a private corporation independent of the state
government, part of the fund revenues are distributed annually to
every qualifying 12-month resident of the state. This has injected
over 8 billion dollars into the incomes of individual Alaskans over
nearly 20 years. The last time we looked, the fund's net worth was
over 27 billion dollars. Wow.
Remember, you need to spend 12 months in Alaska in order to qualify
for the dividend -- that's about 8 months of winter, more or less,
before the pay-off. Then again, you can stock up on a lot of
cold-weather gear for $1749 (the amount of the 1999 dividend check).
Another Traitor
What
is the Daily Buzzword for May 6th?
ocean \OH-shun\
noun
What does it mean?
1 : the whole body of salt water that covers nearly three
fourths of the surface of the earth
2 : one of the large bodies of water into which the ocean
is divided
How do you use it?
We hiked to the top of the mountain where we had an
incredible view of the ocean.
Are you a word wiz?
We can trace the origins of "ocean" to the name "Okeanus"
in Greek mythology. Who or what do you think "Okeanus" was?
A. a monster with one eye
B. one of three sisters who had snakes for hair
C. a horse that could fly
D. a huge river
Answer:
The ancient Greeks thought the earth was flat and that the
ocean was a huge river. They called the river "Okeanus," and
they believed that beyond the river to the west was a place
that had no sun. "Okeanus" was also the name of a Titan, or
giant, believed to rule over the great river. Over time,
exploration of the world led to the discovery that the earth
is round. Instead of using "Okeanus" as the name of a river,
people began to use it similarly to the way we use "ocean"
today. Latin speakers adopted the name as "oceanus," which
passed into French as "occean" and eventually became "ocean"
in English.
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
CLICK HERE
ME AND THE GIRLS
That's all for this
week. Have a great weekend.
The following is what appeared in Wednesday's edition...............
In Today's Tribune
The holiday of Cinco De Mayo, The
Fifth Of May, commemorates the victory of the Mexicans over the
French army at The Battle Of Puebla in 1862. It is primarily a
regional holiday celebrated in the Mexican state capital city of
Puebla and throughout the state of Puebla, but is also celebrated in
other parts of the country and in U.S.cities with a significant
Mexican population. It is not, as many people think, Mexico's
Independence day, which is actually September 16.
The battle at Puebla in 1862
happened at a violent and chaotic time in Mexico's history. Mexico
had finally gained independence from Spain in 1821, and a number of
internal political takeovers and wars, including the
Mexican-American War (1846-1848) and the Mexican Civil War of 1858,
had mostly wiped out the national economy.
During this period Mexico had
accumulated heavy debts to several nations, including Spain, England
and France, who were demanding payment. Similar debt to the U.S. was
previously cleared after the Mexican-American War. France was eager
to add to its empire at that time, and used the debt issue to move
forward with goals of establishing its own leadership in Mexico.
Realizing France's intent, Spain and England withdrew their support.
When Mexico finally stopped making any loan payments, France took
action on it's own to install Napoleon's relative, Archduke
Maximilian of Austria, as ruler of Mexico.
France invaded at the gulf
coast of Mexico along the state of Veracruz and began to march
toward Mexico City. Although American President Abraham Lincoln was
sympathetic to Mexico's cause, and for which he is honored in
Mexico, the U.S. was involved in its own Civil War at the time and
was unable to provide any direct assistance.
Marching on toward Mexico City,
the French army encountered strong resistance at the Mexican forts
of Loreto and Guadalupe. Lead by Mexican General Ignacio Zaragoza
Seguin, a small, poorly armed militia estimated at 4,500 men were
able to stop and defeat a well outfitted French army of 6,500
soldiers, which stopped the invasion of the country. The victory was
a glorious moment for Mexican patriots and is the cause for the
historical date's celebration.
Unfortunately, the victory was
short lived. Upon hearing the bad news, Napoleon had found an excuse
to send more troops overseas to try and invade Mexico again, even
against the wishes of the French populace. 30,000 more troops and a
full year later, the French were eventually able to depose the
Mexican army, take over Mexico City and install Maximilian as the
ruler of Mexico.
Maximilian's rule of Mexico was
also short lived, from 1864 to 1867. With the American Civil War now
over, the U.S. began to provide more political and military
assistance to Mexico to expel the French, after which Maximilian was
executed by the Mexicans - today his bullet riddled vest is on
display in the museum at Chapultepec Castle in Mexico City. So
despite the eventual French invasion of Mexico City, Cinco de Mayo
honors the bravery and victory of General Zaragoza's small,
outnumbered militia at the Battle of Puebla in 1862.
Yup, the French were
assholes even back then.
Here's today's tidbits
Born on May 5th
Danielle Fishel
(1981)
Tina Yothers
(1973)
Tammy Wynette
(1942)
Pat Carroll
(1927)
Ann B. Davis
(1926)
Alice Faye
(1915)
Tyrone Power
(1913)
Karl Marx
(1818)
Ralph Tuttle
Alabama
Hunters
Two hunters from Alabama are out in the woods when one of them falls
to the ground. He does not appear to be breathing. The other whips
out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps out
to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says, "Calm down. Just take
it easy. First let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back
on the line. He says, "Okay, now what?"
Long Live "The King"
True But
Twisted Life Lessons
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it
comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
~~~~~~~~
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
~~~~~~~~
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
~~~~~~~~
There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
~~~~~~~~
Life is sexually transmitted.
~~~~~~~~
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
~~~~~~~~
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool
who
said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
~~~~~~~~
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
~~~~~~~~
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
~~~~~~~~
Get the last word in: Apologize.
~~~~~~~~
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person
to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
~~~~~~~~~
Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the
stairs.
~~~~~~~~~
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.
~~~~~~~~~
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they use to?
~~~~~~~~~
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
~~~~~~~~~
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
to criticism.
~~~~~~~~
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
~~~~~~~~~
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
~~~~~~~~~
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come
to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
~~~~~~~~~
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?
~~~~~~~~~
...AND THE THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
You read about all these terrorists -- most of them came here
legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as
long as 10 -15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two
days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put
Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
Redneck Poodle
What
is the Daily Buzzword for May 5th?
guacamole
\gwah-kuh-MOH-lee\ noun
What does it mean?
: mashed avocado that is mixed with chopped tomatoes and
onion, seasoned, and often served as a spread or dip
How do you use it?
The guacamole dip at the party disappeared fast after
Ralph arrived with the nacho chips.
Are you a word wiz?
What language do you think "guacamole" comes from?
A. Canadian French
B. Mexican Spanish
C. Brazilian Portuguese
D. Pennsylvania Dutch
Answer:
Happy Cinco de Mayo! If you thought B looked like a
tempting choice, you're right. Besides "guacamole," Mexican
Spanish gave us other appetizing vocabulary, such as "taco,"
"tamale," "quesadilla," and that peppery favorite, "jalapeno."
It's also the source of several words often associated with
the American Southwest and the life of the cowboy. These
include "ranch," "mustang," "bronco," and "wrangler." The
pint-sized dog called the "Chihuahua" gets its name from a
state in Mexico, while another member of the canine family,
the "coyote," likewise has a name with roots in Mexican
Spanish.
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
CLICK HERE
THE
KING
That's all for today. Tune in tomorrow for more stuff.
The following is what appeared in Tuesday's edition...............
In Today's Tribune
The best and most
beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They
must be felt within the heart.
-Helen Keller
Here's today's tidbits
Born on May 4th
Lance Bass
(1979)
Pia Zadora
(1956)
George F. Will
(1941)
Audrey Hepburn
(1929)
Heloise
(1919)
Ass
Study
There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were
pretty interesting.
85% of women think their ass is too big.......
10% of women think their ass is too little......
The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have
married him anyway.
Christine. Dipping into the
bottle again.
Can you identify this
celebrity from his high school picture?
answer below
Today's useless
fact - Why did the Egyptians worship cats?
If you're an avid cat person, the answer of course is self- evident:
Because cats are divine. Egyptians literally believed that to be
true, to the point that if a household cat died, its owners would
shave their eyebrows in mourning and lovingly transport the cat
carcass to one of the cities devoted to mummifying cats for their
journey to the next world. (They apparently didn't make it. In 1888,
about 300,000 cat mummies were discovered still lounging around this
world in the ancient city of Beni Hassan. We guess it illustrates
once again how hard it is to get cats to go where you want them to.)
There were practical reasons for worshipping cats, though. The
Egyptians were very dependent on grains for their main staples of
bread and beer, and they knew how much the cats contributed to their
lives and economy by keeping rats and mice in check. Unfortunately,
this worship of the cat had its downside, too. In 525 B.C., the
Persians went to war with the Egyptians. Mindful of the Egyptians'
religion, the Persians lined up a row of cats in front of their
warriors. Egyptian soldiers were put into a crisis of faith-they
quickly discovered that they couldn't swing a sword or fire an arrow
for fear of hurting a cat and "hissing off the cat goddess Pascht.
The wily Persians quickly defeated the Egyptians. It was a cat-aclysm
and a cat-astrophe.
Answer to Celebrity High
School Picture
Kelsey Grammer
What
is the Daily Buzzword for May 4th?
halcyon
\HAL-see-un\ adjective
What does it mean?
: calm, peaceful
How do you use it?
As the school year draws closer and closer to its close,
even the teachers begin to long for the halcyon days of
summer.
Are you a word wiz?
"Halcyon" comes from a Greek myth about Alkyone, who, upon
learning of the death of her husband, threw herself into the
sea and was turned into an animal. What kind of animal do you
think Alkyone became?
A. a cat
B. a horse
C. a bird
D. a snake
Answer:
Alkyone was changed into a bird, more specifically, a
kingfisher, which the Greeks called "alkyon" or "halkyon."
Legend had it that the kingfisher built a floating nest on
the sea every year near the winter solstice. Aeolus, god of
the winds and father of Alkyone, calmed the wind and the
waves while the bird sat on its eggs. The Greek name for
this period became an expression for a time of peace and
tranquility. The Romans borrowed the Greek word as "alcyon"
or "halcyon," which made its way into English as a poetic
name for the kingfisher, and later, as an adjective to mean
"calm and tranquil."
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
CLICK HERE
LITTLE
WOMEN
That's all for today. Tune in tomorrow for more stuff.
The following is what appeared in Monday's edition...............
In Today's Tribune
I was looking at the
calendar and we got us a slew of birthdays and anniversaries for the
month of May. I'm in a bit of a quandary. I don't know which week I can take
off. I'll figure it out. Happy May! Only 238 days to Christmas.
Here's today's tidbits
Born on May 3rd
Christopher Cross(1951)
Doug Henning(1947)
Frankie Valli(1937)
James Brown(1933)
Pete Seeger(1919)
Bing Crosby(1903)
Golda Meir(1898)
Elvira
Tuttle
Serena
Villalba
Jeff Garcia
Clocks
Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was giving her a
tour of Heaven when she noticed that there were dozens of clocks on
the wall. Each clock displayed a different time of day.
When she asked St. Peter about the clocks, he replied, ''We have a
clock for each person on earth and every time they tell a lie the
hands move. The clock ticks off one second each time a lie is
told.''
Special attention was given to two clocks. The clock belonging to
Mother Teresa has never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.
The clock for Abraham Lincoln has only moved twice. He only told two
lies in his life.
Hillary asked ''Where is Bill's clock?''
St. Peter replied, ''Jesus has it in his office ... he's using it as
a ceiling fan.'''
Traitor
Today's useless
fact - Why is milk white?
Those chalky-white mustaches that color our lips after chugging down
a refreshing ice-cold glass of creamy milk is caused by the protein
called Casein.
Rich in calcium, Casein helps contribute to milk's white color. In
addition, the cream that is found in milk contains white colored
fat. The more cream in milk the more white it is. Low and non-fat
milk appear more grayish rather than white because they contain less
cream.
Another reason milk looks white to our naked eyes is because some
objects do not absorb very much light. Rather than absorb light,
these objects reflect light. For instance, red colored objects
reflect only red light and absorb the other colors of light in the
rainbow spectrum. The molecules that make up Casein and cream
reflect light. That's why milk is white.
What
is the Daily Buzzword for May 3rd?
cull \KULL\
verb
What does it mean?
1 : to select from a group : choose
2 : to identify and remove the culls from
How do you use it?
Mom wandered through the florist's shop on a mission to
cull the best petunias from the hundreds filling the
greenhouse.
Are you a word wiz?
We've used "cull" is a verb in our example sentence, but
if you read sense 2 of the definition above, you can see that
"cull" is also used as a noun. Which of the answers below do
you think correctly defines "cull" when it's a noun?
A. something rejected from a group or
lot as not as good as
the rest
B. the favored crops in a section or part of a field
C. the outer covering of a seed separated from the seed in
threshing grain
D. dead brush covering the floor of a forest or wooded area
Answer:
If you culled answer A from the others, you've made the
right choice. A "cull" is something that is rejected because
it is inferior to others or because it is completely
worthless. The verb "cull" is more common than the noun, and
it's much older, too. Use of "cull" as a verb goes all the
way back to the 1200s. It came into English through French
from the Latin "colligere," which means "to bind together."
The noun "cull" didn't appear in English until the early
1800s, some 600 years after the verb.
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
CLICK HERE
ESKIMO?
That's all for today. Tune in tomorrow for more stuff.
