Wednesday, May
19th, 2004
In Today's Tribune
Today we start a new column by our very own
"geek" Joseph. He's gonna give us the lowdown on computers. If
you're preparing to buy a new computer or just trying to figure out
the one that you already have then he'll set you straight on how to
get the maximum usage out of it. I know I have a lot of questions
for him. Give him a buzz. You might learn something.
Here's today's tidbits
Born on May 19th
Grace Jones
(1952)
Pete Townshend
(1945)
Nora Ephron
(1941)
James Fox
(1939)
Malcolm X
(1925)
Ho Chi Minh
(1890)
Lawyer
Riddles (Sorry OJ)
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of dirt?
A: The bucket.
Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In a cemetery.
Q: Why do they bury lawyers under 8 feet of ground?
A: Because deep down they're really good people.
Q: You are in a room with Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, and a
lawyer. You have a gun and only two bullets. Who do you shoot?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he's dead.
Q: What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
Q: Why did the post office discontinue their lawyer stamps?
A: People didn't know which side to spit on.
Yours Truly
Hello Readers;
This is “The Geekster”
Welcome to the Komputer Korner!
Picture this! You are sitting somewhere in public and you
overhear people talking. The conversation goes something like this
... "I just bought a new computer this weekend!"..."Oh yeah? what
does it have?"...."Mamasita! This thing rocks!. Its a Pentium 9
machine with 8 gigahertz, 650 gig hard drive and 700 gigs of memory!
You think to yourself … what the heck are they talking about?
Can you recall a time when you were talking about your
computer and the person you were conversing with asked you questions
which you didn't know or didn't understand? Well that is all about
to change because I'm gonna give you the lowdown...the complete 411!
Basic stuff that you need and should know about computers.
Why do I need to know it you say?...simple! Dudes and Dudettes
out there!...if you haven't experienced it yet you will. Sooner or
later ... YOUR COMPUTER IS GONNA BE OUTDATED and you will need to
get another. Doesn't it make sense if you are going to spend your
hard earned cash on a computer, shouldn't you know what it can do
for you?
When you buy a computer, you naturally want to by one that
suits your budget, however, you also want to by one that is not
going to become outdated within 5 years.
The 3 basic and most important things you should know are:
processor speed, memory and hard drive. The biggest problem people
have is they confuse the functions of these 3 items. Memory and hard
drive have to do with storage space and capacity while the processor
is involved with only one thing and that is processing information.
Hard Drive
The hard drive in your computer can be compared to a library.
The bigger the library the more books and information can be kept
there. The same way with a computer, the bigger the drive the more
data can be stored.
This is where all your different software programs are stored.
When you buy a new program for your computer and save it your
hard drive, it’s like getting volumes of books and filing them on
the bookshelves. When the library gets full of books you build and
add new wing, when your hard drive gets full you can replace or
install additional hard drives.
Size of your hard drive should not be a major concern
when buying a computer.
Memory
This is the function that confuses most people.
The major
misconception is the more memory the faster your computer runs. The
truth is: although large memory capacity does help your computer
function better it is not the reason it runs faster.
Memory is just a temporary storage area in your computer (RAM)
that stores data to be used or is currently being used by the
computer. The bigger the storage area the more data that can be
stored. By temporarily storing them in a handy centralized area it
can access them quicker. A good example of use of memory is the
clipboard function in “Microsoft Office”. You should know, when you
turn off your computer all memory is removed.
When you turn on your computer some of the software programs
(memory resident) automatically gobble up memory space even though
you are not using them, they are just memory hogs who are greedy.
Memory space also gets used up while running different applications
of a software program. Virtual Memory is disk space allocated on
your hard drive to temporarily store data and should not be confused
with the memory stored in RAM chips. The amount of this memory
storage is referred as cache. A good example of cache allocation is
when you surf the web, all website info is dumped into the cache for
easy retrieval.
What happens when your computer tries to load too much data to
memory? It freezes up or heaven forbid! It crashes! To better
understand, let’s compare memory to electricity wall outlets in your
home. Let’s say your house was wired with just one wall outlet for
each room. This is enough to safely handle any load put on it.
However, your teenager in their room, starts adding extra plugs and
extension cords, to connect their, stereo, computer, X-Box, printer,
scanner, TV, DVD, VHS, and Satellite receiver. The load becomes too
great and the circuit breaker trips and off goes the electricity and
you have a power crash.
The amount of memory needed is determined by the type of
software programs you use.
Most computers will allow upgrades up to double the original
memory size. If you do not intend to run high end programs such as
Graphics or CAD software programs, 128 megabytes of RAM should be
sufficient today. If you are going to buy a computer today, or have Graphics or CAD
programs like Photoshop or Autocad running on your computer, I would recommend you have at least 512
megabytes of RAM
Processor 
This to me is the most important of the 3
items. Where memory size and hard drives can be upgraded or replaced
to keep up with new technology, most times the processor cannot.
The processor is a big computer chip mounted on a circuit board
(Motherboard). The processor function can be compared to an engine
in an automobile. The bigger the engine the faster it goes. The same
goes for the processor. The processors’ size determines the speed in
which the computer retrieves and processes data. When discussing
processors, speed is determined or measured in Hertz (hz). Even if
you have tons of memory space, the speed in which your computer goes
into your memory storage area, retrieves and processes it is still
going to be determined by the processor.
Sometimes the name of the computer refers
not to manufacturer of the computer, but the type of processor
installed on the motherboard. For instance Pentium is the brand name of
the manufacturer Intel who produces the “Pentium 4” type processor chip
(2.0 to 2.5 gigahertz). There are other major manufacturers such as
Athlon.
If you don’t have high memory programs
installed on your computer a 400mhz processor is okay for today. Of
course 2.0 gigahertz would be better.
Well that’s all folks, I tried to be as
basic as I could. Naturally, the three items I discussed are more
complex than I stated, but what was omitted can be discussed in more
detail if you guys want. Scroll up to the first paragraph of this
article, does the conversation become clearer?
If I confused you, just send your replies
to the Editor and he’ll pass them on to me.
If you have a question about your computer
or have a computer related topic that you want explained just drop a
line to the editor and we’ll post it.
Keep on Truckin’ Baby!
What
is the Daily Buzzword for May 19th?
encroach \in-KROACH\
verb
What does it mean?
1 : to enter or force oneself on another's property or
rights little by little
2 : to advance beyond the usual or desirable limits
How do you use it?
Blanca chose not to encroach upon Sonya's position as
class president and allowed her to decide on a theme for
the school dance.
Are you a word wiz?
Which one of these words do you think is a synonym of
"encroach"?
A. trespass
B. retreat
C. infest
D. depend
Answer:
We hope you didn't back away from choosing answer A.
"Encroach" suggests a gradual entrance upon someone else's
territory or the usurping of another's rights or possessions
(as in "the encroaching settlers gradually pushed out the
native population"), while "trespass" implies an unlawful
intrusion (as in "the hunters trespassed on farmland").
Another synonym, "invade," suggests a hostile entry that
might involve injury (as in "they invaded the neighboring
country"), and "infringe" implies the taking over of
something that is the special right or privilege of someone
else (as in "they infringed on the author's copyright").
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
CLICK HERE
ME
& LARRY
That's all for today. Tune in tomorrow for more stuff.
The following is what appeared in Tuesday's edition...............
In Today's Tribune
Dear Readers,
I
apologize for my ranting yesterday. Sometimes I get into a funk and
my only outlet is through The Tribune. Yeah, most of it was true but
that is the burden that I must carry. After all, I accepted this job
and all that came with it. From what Joseph had told me, I had an
inkling of what I was getting in to. I love doing this site but
sometimes it gets to be too much. I'm sorry, again.
Yours Truly,
The Editor
To Larry (and Joseph),
Yeah, I was robbed and
thanks for all of your support. I know you really gave them hell
Larry. In all honesty, most of those other entries sucked. For those
of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I submitted a picture
in to a Photoshop contest. There were a total of 16 entries. Mine is
entitled "Lemurinal". Of the best 5, mine came in 4th, with an
honorable mention. Not bad, but I think mine had the best quality,
content and originality. If you'd like to view the top 5 winners of
the contest, go to
FIXED CONTEST.
I entered the contest just
for kicks but when I saw the competition, I knew I had it sewn up.
Little did I know. It was fun and exciting and I'd do it again.
Tomorrow we start up a new
column. Anything and everything you wanted to know about computers
will be found here at The Tribune. Joseph "The Geek" will answer all
of your computer questions here. From buying a new computer to what
to do with your floppy. Submit all your questions about computers on
the Messageboard. Thanks.
ATTENTION:
"GAS OUT DAY MAY 19TH"
IT HAS BEEN
CALCULATED THAT IF EVERYONE IN THE UNITED STATES DID NOT
PURCHASE A DROP OF GASOLINE FOR ONE DAY AND ALL AT THE SAME TIME,
THE OIL COMPANIES WOULD CHOKE ON THEIR STOCKPILES.
AT THE SAME TIME IT WOULD HIT THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY WITH A NET LOSS OF
OVER 4.6 BILLION DOLLARS WHICH AFFECTS THE BOTTOM LINES OF THE OIL
COMPANIES.
THEREFORE MAY 19TH HAS BEEN FORMALLY DECLARED "STICK IT TO THEM" DAY
AND THE PEOPLE OF THIS NATION SHOULD NOT BUY A SINGLE DROP OF
GASOLINE THAT DAY.
Let's stick together. Don't buy any gas tomorrow.
Here's today's tidbits
Born on May 18th
Chow Yun-Fat
(1955)
George Strait
(1952)
Reggie Jackson
(1946)
Dwayne Hickman
(1934)
Robert Morse
(1931)
Pernell Roberts
(1930)
Pope John Paul II
(1920)
Margot Fonteyn
(1919)
Perry Como
(1912)
Frank Capra
(1897)
Temecia Watson
Wife
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said:
"Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles
back?"
To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
Tonight On FOX
Today's useless
fact - When was aspirin first discovered and marketed as a pain
reliever?
In 1897, Felix Hoffmann, a German chemist employed by Bayer, came
across an earlier recipe for a gentle analgesic. Seeking to relieve
his father's arthritis pain, Hoffmann used French chemist Charles
Frederic Gerhardt's 1853 research to synthesize "acetylsalicylic
acid" (ASA), a compound less acidic and easier on the stomach than
its predecessor, "sodium salicylate". In 1899, the product was named
"aspirin" and, after extensive testing, Bayer began marketing it
successfully in powder form.
The active ingredient of aspirin, salicin, has been prescribed since
the 5th century B.C., when Greek physician Hippocrates treated aches
and pains, fevers, and inflammations with a bitter powder extracted
from willow bark.
It wasn't until the 1970s that British researcher John Vane
described the precise way aspirin works -- by blocking the
production of hormone-like substances known as prostoglandins, which
are released in response to human tissue injury.
Modest Sunbathers
What
is the Daily Buzzword for May 18th?
meniscus
\muh-NISS-kus\ noun
What does it mean?
: the curved upper surface of a column of liquid
How do you use it?
Temecia, our science teacher, showed us how the meniscus in a test
tube changes from concave to convex according to whether or
not the walls of the test tube are wet.
Are you a word wiz?
"Meniscus" comes from the Greek word "meniskos," which is
the diminutive form of the Greek word "mene." What do you
think "mene" means?
A. mind, brain
B. smooth surface
C. moon, crescent
D. curved line
Answer:
Jump over the moon if you chose C! The Greek word "mene"
means "moon" or "crescent," and the road from "mene" to
"meniscus" is pretty clear. The curved surface that we call
a "meniscus" is shaped like a small crescent moon, whether
it's got the curved side facing up or down. "Mene" isn't
the source of many English words. In fact, the only other
commonly used word to come from it is "moon" itself.
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
CLICK HERE
THE
ONE AND ONLY COMMISH
That's all for today. Tune in tomorrow for more stuff.
The following is what appeared in Monday's edition...............
In Today's Tribune
Welcome back. I hope you all had a great
week while I was gone.
I was thinking, you know this website is
all about you guys and your families. I'm just the filling. You
provide all the info that we need to know and I just fill in the
spots that make it complete. I try to be informative, educating and
funny but I know that sometimes I fail miserably. It's not easy
trying to put out a quality product everyday without any assistance.
I was honestly considering relinquishing my role as editor but if I
quit who will take over? No one has come forward when we have asked
for any volunteers. I guess I'm doomed. I can't let this project
just dwindle away into oblivion. Am I the only one who cares?
Judging from the messageboard, only a handful of you cares whether
it lives or dies. I will continue but I don't know for how long.
I hate to start off the week on such a
somber thought but it's something to think about.
Here's today's tidbits
Born on May 17th
Tahj Mowry
(1987)
Andrea Corr
(1974)
Jordan Knight
(1970)
Trent Reznor
(1965)
Enya
(1961)
Sugar Ray Leonard
(1956)
Bob Saget
(1956)
Dennis Hopper
(1936)
Maureen O'Sullivan
(1911)
Ayatollah Khomeini
(1902)
A Special Happy Belated Wedding
Anniversary
John & Teena Aquino
May 15, 1999
You
Know You're a Mother When...
You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're
equal.
You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
Your kid throws-up and you catch it.
Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.
As you cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child
chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child
eats.
You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute
shapes.
You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say,
"NOT in your good clothes!"
You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that
disease.
You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in
ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.
You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you
know you wouldn't trade it for anything".
At A Theatre Near You
Today's useless
fact - Do ostriches really bury their heads in the sand to avoid
being attacked?
Crocodiles don't really cry. Hyenas don't laugh. And no, the world's
biggest birds do not plunge their heads below ground when confronted
with a difficult situation. In fact, ostriches, a species native to
the semiarid grasslands of eastern Africa, are extremely jealous and
scrappy micromanagers of their turf. Where, then, did this
misconception come from? Ostriches do eat sand (it's grist for their
gizzards), so their beaks are often caked with the stuff. And when
they're resting, they tend to droop their three-foot-long necks and
lay their heads on the ground. Optical illusion may also play a
role: If you spot a clump of lounging ostriches from a distance,
their prostrate noggins appear to be "buried" in the swimming waves
of the heat shimmer. They're not avoiding you, however. As soon as
the hypervigilant birds detect your presence, they'll pop their
heads up and, if provoked, charge you with their muscular legs and
menacing, two- toed feet. You've become their reality; they're
dealing with it.
What
is the Daily Buzzword for May 17th?
bootleg
\BOOT-leg\ verb
What does it mean?
1 : to make, transport, or sell alcoholic liquor illegally
2 a : to produce, reproduce, or sell illegally or without
permission b : smuggle
How do you use it?
Teena got caught trying to sneak a tape recorder into
the theater in an attempt to bootleg the band's concert.
Are you a word wiz?
The verb "bootleg" comes from the earlier noun "bootleg."
What was the very first meaning of the noun?
A. a very wide pant leg
B. something illegal
C. a mass-produced tape
D. the upper part of a boot
Answer:
We're not pulling your leg -- the answer is D! "Bootleg"
first appeared in print in the 1600s to refer to the upper
part of a boot. In the late 1800s, drinking alcohol was
discouraged and some states even thought about making it
illegal, so smugglers used to sneak liquor past the
authorities by hiding it in their bootlegs. That action gave
rise to the verb "bootleg." Nowadays, bootlegging doesn't
just refer to alcohol, but to anything made or sold
illegally.
Bootleggers these days are more likely to be trying to sell
illegal DVDs than moonshine.
Today's Jigsaw
puzzle
CLICK HERE
JOHN
& TEENA
That's all for today. Tune in tomorrow for more stuff.
