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                                       Thursday, April 1st, 2004

In Today's Tribune                    

 

Happy April Fools Day! I was gonna pull an April Fools joke on you guys about me getting fed up with this job and quitting it for good but you've all heard that a million times already.

I know, it's an old story.

Have a super weekend. Go do something out of the ordinary.

One of these days.........................

 

Here's today's tidbits

Born on April 1st

Hannah Spearitt (1981)

Ali MacGraw (1938)

Gordon Jump (1932)

Debbie Reynolds (1932)

Anne McCaffrey (1926)

Toshiro Mifune (1920)

Abraham Maslow (1908)

Sergei Rachmaninoff (1873)

          

Diesel Fitter

Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office.

When asked his occupation, Ole answered, "Panty Stitcher". "I sew the elastic onto lady's cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week. When Ole found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The Clerk explained "Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor." "What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on the panties, Sven puts them over his head and says: "Yah, diesel fitter."

Da Plane!

What is the Daily Buzzword for April 1st?

 eschew \eh-SHOO or es-CHOO\  verb

What does it mean?
  : to avoid habitually especially on moral or practical
grounds : shun

How do you use it?
  Serena vowed to eschew her favorite fast food joint until
it agreed to use biodegradable packaging.

Are you a word wiz?
  It's April Fool's Day, but we're not fooling. One of the
sentences below really does use "eschew" correctly. Which
one do you think it is?

  A. My mother nagged me to keep my mouth closed while
eschewing my food.
  B. I can't find my other eschew.
  C. When I told my friend that today's Buzzword was
"eschew," he replied "Gesundheit!"
  D. One must eschew silliness in order to improve one's
vocabulary.

Answer:
  If you picked D, we didn't fool you. Sentence D correctly
uses "eschew," though we think being silly is a good way to
learn! "Eschew" means avoiding something because you think
it unwise or distasteful. (Technically, you could eschew
your food as described in sentence A, but we doubt your
mother would nag you to do it.) "Shun" is a synonym of
"eschew." "Shun" often implies avoiding something as a
matter of habit and may imply that you find the thing
repugnant.
 

Today's Jigsaw puzzle         

 

CLICK HERE    D - THE "STRAWBERRY KID"

 

                          That's all for today. Have a great weekend.           

                                                       

                                                   

                                                                         

                   The following is what appeared in Wednesday's edition.......

In Today's Tribune                    

 

 

             If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

 

 

Here's today's tidbits

Born on March 31st

Ewan McGregor (1971)

Al Gore (1948)

Rhea Perlman (1948)

Gabe Kaplan (1945)

Christopher Walken (1943)

Herb Alpert (1935)

Richard Chamberlain (1935)

Shirley Jones (1934)

Gordie Howe (1928)

César Chávez (1927)

Leo Buscaglia (1925)

Henry Morgan (1915)

Joseph Haydn (1732)

Rene Descartes (1596)

          

The Difference in 30 Years

1974: Long Hair
2004: Longing for hair

1974: The perfect high
2004: The perfect high yield mutual fund

1974: KEG
2004: EKG

1974: Acid rock
2004: Acid reflux

1974: Moving to California because it's cool
2004: Moving to California because it's warm

1974: Growing pot
2004: Growing pot belly

1974: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2004: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1974: Seeds and stems
2004: Roughage

1974: Killer weed
2004: Weed Killer

1974: Hoping for a BMW
2004: Hoping for a BM

1974: The Grateful Dead
2004: Dr. Kevorkian

1974: Going to a new, hip joint
2004: Receiving a new hip joint

1974: Rolling Stones
2004: Kidney Stones

1974: Being called into the principal's office
2004: Calling the principal's office

1974: Screw the system
2004: Upgrade the system

1974: Disco
2004: Crisco

1974: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2004: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1974: Passing the driver's test
2004: Passing the vision test

1974: Whatever
2004: Depends

 

 

What is the Daily Buzzword for March 31st?

fiasco  \fee-ASK-oh\  noun

What does it mean?
  : a complete failure

How do you use it?
  Last minute problems behind the scenes and in the
orchestra made the first few minutes of the play a messy,
unwatchable fiasco.

Are you a word wiz?
  We get our word "fiasco" from French, but it ultimately
traces to Italian. What do you think the Italian word
"fiasco" means?

  A. banana
  B. bottle
  C. bumblebee
  D. brother

Answer:
  The Italian "fiasco" refers to a round-bottomed, straw-
covered bottle traditionally used to hold inexpensive wines.
The Italian phrase "fare fiasco" literally means "to make a
bottle," but it is also used in Italian as an expression for
"to fail." No one knows for sure how this meaning came about.
One theory claims that it started when a famous 17th-century
comic actor gave a performance involving a bottle that was
supposedly so bad it led to the expression. No evidence
exists to support this story, however. So, as the Italians
would say, don't let it "hang the bottle on you" -- that is
to say, don't let it trick you.
 

Today's Jigsaw puzzle         

 

CLICK HERE   LEESH & KEITH

 

                          That's all for today. Tune in tomorrow for more stuff.           

                                                       

                                                   

                                                                         

                   The following is what appeared in Tuesday's edition.......

In Today's Tribune                    

 

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.


 

Here's today's tidbits

Born on March 30th

Scott Moffatt (1983)

Celine Dion (1968)

Ian Ziering (1964)

M.C. Hammer (1962)

Paul Reiser (1957)

Eric Clapton (1945)

Astrud Gilberto (1940)

Warren Beatty (1937)

John Astin (1930)

Rolf Harris (1930)

Peter Marshall (1930)

Frankie Laine (1913)

Vincent Van Gogh (1853)

          

Old Buzzard

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

"In fact, I do," said the man. "After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

"This is very interesting," replied the doctor. "Let me do some research and get back to you."

After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns.

The doctor than asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and cold and chilly after the second time...do you know why?"

"Oh that old buzzard!" she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December."

Trivia

What is the Daily Buzzword for March 30th?

lurk  \LURK\  verb

What does it mean?
  1 a : to stay in or about a place secretly b : to move
quietly and secretly
  2 : to lie concealed; especially : to be a hidden threat

How do you use it?
  Sander eyed the hole in the wall suspiciously, convinced it
was the perfect place for a mischievous mouse to lurk.

Are you a word wiz?
  One of the following words means the same thing as "lurk."
Which one is it?

  A. skulk
  B. irk
  C. bleak
  D. flank

Answer:
  "Skulk," "lurk," and "sneak" all mean basically the same
thing: to move or act so as not to be noticed. But there are
different ways of being sneaky. Someone who is lurking is
lying in wait, usually with a plan to attack. Someone who
skulks moves about quietly, often with an evil intention, but
sometimes in fear. And someone who decides to sneak passes
cautiously, trying not to be noticed (often being furtive,
indirect, or underhanded to escape detection).
 

Today's Jigsaw puzzle         

 

CLICK HERE  THE COMMISH


 

                          That's all for today. Tune in tomorrow for more stuff.           

                                                       

                                                   

                                                                         

                   The following is what appeared in Monday's edition.......

In Today's Tribune                    

 

 

                          CLICK HERE FOR THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES 2004

                                                                        

 

Here's today's tidbits

Born on March 29th

Hideaki Takizawa(1982)

Jennifer Capriati(1976)

Lucy Lawless(1968)

Elle Macpherson(1964)

Bud Cort(1950)

John Major(1943)

Pearl Bailey(1918)

Sam Walton(1918)

Philip Ahn(1905)

Cy Young(1867)

John Tyler(1790)

 

          

Dwarf Lady

 

A little dwarf lady goes into her doctor's office complaining of an irritated crotch. After an examination the doctor sighs, "I don't seem to see any problem. Does it get better or worse at any time?"

"Yeah, its really bad whenever it rains." she replies.

"Well, then," says the Doc, "Next time it rains, get in here at once, and we'll take another look at it."
Two weeks later it's raining really hard, and the little lady shows up at the doctor's office.

"Doctor, it's really bad today. Please, you have to help me!!"

"Well, let's have a look," he says as he lifts her up onto the table. "Oh, yes, I think I see the problem. Nurse, bring me a surgical kit. Don't worry ma'am this won't hurt a bit."

The dwarf lady closes her eyes in painful anticipation. The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later. "There you go, ma'am, try that."

She walks back and forth around the office and exclaims, "That's great, Doc, what did you do?!"

To which the doctor replied, "I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain boots."

 

What is the Daily Buzzword for March 29th?

 eclectic  \ih-KLEK-tik\  adjective

What does it mean?
  1 : selecting what appears to be best in various doctrines,
methods, or styles
  2 : composed of elements drawn from various sources;
also : heterogeneous

How do you use it?
  Saul's musical tastes are very eclectic, running the gamut
from Bach to Big Bad Voodoo Daddy and touching on virtually
every style in between.

Are you a word wiz?
  We've composed an eclectic list of answer choices for
today's quiz. One of them correctly tells the story of the
Greek word "eklektikos," the parent of "eclectic." Which
choice do you think is the true one?

  A. "Eklektikos" is the name of an ancient scientist.
  B. "Eklektikos" is a noun that means "a mixture."
  C. "Eklektikos" is a verb that means "to confuse."
  D. "Eklektikos" is an adjective that means "selective."

Answer:
  We hope you selected D. The key to the right answer is to
note that the first definition we give for "eclectic" (that's
the oldest one) has to do with selecting things. Once you know
that, it's easier to guess that "eclectic" comes from a word
meaning "selective." The ancient Greeks used the term to refer
to philosophers who were not committed to any single system of
philosophy, but who selected such doctrines as pleased them
from every school. By the mid-1800s, English speakers were
using "eclectic" to describe a selection made up of things or
opinions that come from many different sources.
 

Today's Jigsaw puzzle         

 

CLICK HERE   TIENES HUEVOS?

 

                          That's all for today. Tune in tomorrow for more stuff.